A man tied his Great Dane outside the grocery store and went in to do some shopping.  A little while later another man came over to him and asked him if the Great Dane outside was his.  He told him that it was and then the man said, “Well, I’m sorry to tell you this, but I believe my dog just killed your dog”.  The owner of the Great Dane looked at him and asked him what kind of dog he had to which he replied that he had a Chihuahua.  The man just looked at him as if he’d lost his mind and asked how could the Chihuahua kill his Great Dane?  The other man said, “Well, I’m afraid your dog chocked on him.”

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A panda walked into a coffee shop and ordered a drink.  The waiter came over and gave one to him.  As soon as the panda finishes, he gets up to leave.  “Hey, you haven’t paid yet!” the waiter shouted as he ran up to the panda.  At that, the panda whipped out a gun and shot him. “Hey, why did you kill my waiter?  He was only doing his job!” the manager said to which the panda replied, “Don’t you know I’m a panda?  Look it up in the dictionary.”  Then, the panda left.  The manager feels confused.  Quickly, he consulted his dictionary and found the word panda. There, he saw the explanation; ‘Panda: an animal which eats shoots and leaves.’

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A guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.  There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to its right leg.  He asks the owner the significance of the strings.  “Well, this is a highly trained parrot.  If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German,” replies the shop keeper.

“And what happens if I pull both the strings?” our curious shopper inquires.  “I fall off my perch you fool!” screeches the parrot.

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A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday.  How does he do it? 

The horse’s name is Friday.

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A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.  The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious!

She stormed past the store to her work.  On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”  She was incredibly ticked now. 

The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”  The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.  The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure that parrot didn’t say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said, “Yes?”  The parrot said, “You know.”

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Three mice are sitting around drinking and boasting about their strengths.  The first mouse says “Mouse traps, Ha! I do push ups with the bar.”  The second mouse pulls a pill from his pocket, swallows it, and says with a grin “D-Con Rat Poison”.  The third mouse finishes his drink, slams his glass on the table and starts to leave.  The first mouse says, “Where do you think you’re going?” “Time to go home and chase the cat”.

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“Have you got any kittens going cheap?” asked a customer in a pet shop.  “No, sir” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow”.

 

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 A guy found a penguin and showed him to a policeman.  The policeman said, “Take that penguin to the zoo, now.”  Next day the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.  The policeman stops the guy and says, “I told you yesterday to take the penguin to the zoo, what on earth are you doing with the penguin in your truck again?”

The guy says, “What is there to do?  Yesterday I took him to the zoo and today I’m taking him to the movies.”

 

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